My journey from inner chaos to inner peace
Have you ever wondered if life is ever getting better for you? Well, I had a lot of trauma & abuse in my childhood & teenage years and have been diagnosed with complex PTSD in my late 20s. Life really sucked at that stage of my life. I couldn't see a better future for myself...
...live didn't feel worth living.
I was very fortunate to have had a very patient, caring and non-judging psychiatrist, who has been working with me for over 10 years (and I still see him occasionally now). I also attended group healing weeks, online courses, and read tons of books and research articles on cPTSD. My insightful, generous and caring coach supports and helps me to stay on track so that I can keep growing and walk towards my dreams.
It has been my prime focus to find my true authentic self, know how I want to be remembered by people close to me and how I can contribute to this world. It took a lot of determination, courage and support to commit to my healing journey - which at times felt like a dark lonely never-ending journey.
Gosh, it has been really hard work! Stacks of daily exercises to re-wire my brain. Yes, our brain has a tremendous capacity to change and Yes, it was worth every effort, because things did eventually change for me...
I am determined to not let my cPTSD stop me from becoming the person I choose to be, to live the life I choose to live, to have loving and caring relationships in my life, to be brave and let my guard down around people I care for and so feel a sense of connectedness and belonging. Every day I have the gift of a fresh start, where I am free to make new choices. (and I am still practicing becoming more patient with myself too).
I have so much joy and love in my life now. And most of all - inner peace. I never thought that this was possible for me. It is bliss! Today I choose to empower others to reach beyond what life has dealt them too. I want to see you start living towards your dreams, so I share the knowledge, tricks, tips & tools I have learnt along my journey. In the hope that you get through this much faster than I did.
My own journey of learning & growing will never end though. I will always be a student :)
The healing journey can be a dark lonely journey, so I want to be here for you. For this I created this website, YouTube channel, Facebook group, local support group and the online complex PTSD updates monthly program. This is where I deliver content on cPTSD, managing symptoms and day to day struggles. This is also a space where you can connect with other people. Who else is going to understand you better than someone who has similar struggle to yours?
Hopefully I can create some sparks of hope within you, so you can belief in a better future for yourself too. You are worthy of better future and most of all you are worthy of love just as you are in this moment. Make it your choice to reclaim your life. It's yours and yours only. Never let another person dictate to you what you are capable of or not!
Like I said, at the beginning I just couldn't see things ever getting better for myself and I never imagined that living could be that much fun for me ever.
As always, sending you lots of love and rainbows to brighten up those difficult times
Here's some snippets of my bio for those interested - a typical bio of someone who uses work & study as form of distraction :)
2018 - launch the complex PTSD updates monthly program, where I provide knowledge and insights on complex PTSD, managing symptoms and day to day struggle, so that people feel empowered to get out of that dark lonely hole trauma can place in. creating sparks of hope :)
2016 - finally launched this website, Facebook page, YouTube channel, local support group get-togethers, and Facebook group: complex PTSD and thriving, in the hope to inspire and empower others to reach beyond what life has dealt them - living your dream
2015 - PhD candidate (topic: immunodeficiency disease, comparing the clinical, quality of life and economic impact of a hospital- with a home-based treatment mode); publications and presentations
2014 - Diploma in Medical Laboratory Science with Faculty Commendation for Academic Excellence; working in Pathology Laboratories
2013 - Disability Support Worker and started Certificate IV in Disability
2010/13 - Foster carer for one young girl with a beautiful heart
attended many workshops organised by the Department of Child Safety and their partner organisations (e.g. IFYS, EVOLVE, Life without Barriers) and other training seminars on e.g.: Autism, Aspergers, Attachment Disorders, Anxiety Disorders, PTSD, Circle of Security, Sexual Abuse, Cross-Cultural Education, Student Mentoring, Building resilience
2010 - more inner healing work at Mayumarri (specific on healing from childhood trauma and abuse) - my first group sessions
2009 - completed Honours with First Class: (topic: Peripheral Arterial Disease); research presentations and publications; working on various research projects at University and as laboratory demonstrator for pharmacology course
2007/9 - ABA (Applied Behavioural Analysis) training – ABA therapist for Children with Autism
2007 - completed Bachelor of Biomedical Science
2006 - became Australian citizen, had to hand in my Austrian citizenship
Area contact person for Coeliac Society: organised many meetings and get togethers and Coeliac awareness events (yes, I have Coeliac Disease)
2005 - start of my long intensive therapy to work on my childhood trauma/PTSD symptoms
2004 - mentor for first year students at my University
2003 - started Bachelor in Biomedical Science
2002 - completed Certificate III in Hospitality (yes, I was a chef once upon a time)
2000 - lots of travelling e.g. South Africa, Swaziland and Zimbabwe Australia, US, England, Indonesia and working in hospitality in between to safe money for the next trip
1994 - Diploma in Kindergarten and Preschool Teaching
and some other goodies from time to time :)