The Journey of the Seeker
(that constant sense that there is something missing, or not quite right)
AND how that "constant seeking" keeps you stuck
So excited to have you here!
On this page is a snippet version of the "me and my life" story
Perhaps you can detect some of your patterns/coping mechanisms/"inner pain bodies" in mine...
so here it goes...
When my “keep pushing through” attitude to mask my cPTSD turned into burn-out and vertigo (Meniere’s disease)... EVERYTHING in my life was literally spinning out of control
Is work or busyness a coping mechanism for you too?
But leaving you feel empty and depleted inside?
It sure did for me!
Back then, I jumped from one career to the next, getting yet another new qualification. Volunteering. Running support groups. Market stalls. Conducting medical research projects. Buying + selling homes….
From the outside it looked like things were great and there were sparks of excitement with each “new”.
But nothing was enough to fill that inner emptiness or satisfy that deeper longing...
Years of therapy trying to process childhood trauma from emotional, sexual and physical abuse and assaults, and learning how to regulate my nervous system didn’t fill that emptiness either
Neither did my obsession studying anything psychology, human behaviour, self-development, nutrition, human physiology… for decades. All the way to PhD in Internal Medicine.
I was Busy. Empty. Depleted. And felt so Defeated.
.... still lacking a felt sense of safety within....
I was doing all the things society praises, but it didn’t work for me. I was stuck spinning and feeling worthless, empty and drained...
You see, I lost track of how many qualifications in what I have. Because I did them in the hope to feel and being seen as smart, of value, and successful...
Ultimately I worked so hard to protect myself from ridicule and humiliation and NOT being seen as dumb and disappointment
Here is WHY...
>>> My high school teachers in Austria told me that I don’t have what it takes to go to University, because of my learning difficulties and attitude!! I migrated to Australia and did all my studies in English. Completed my PhD in Internal Medicine EARLY. Not on time – EARLY. My research and publications had impact on Australian Government policy making level!
...sounds impressive right? BUT...
>>> In retrospect, I climbed the "WRONG MOUNTAIN". I went to University, because I wanted to proof people wrong!! Oouuuch!! Not the energy we want to rely on to reach any goal (That lesson cost me financially and my health a lot, perhaps you can relate)
Nevertheless, people questioning and underestimating our abilities leaves us feeling not taken seriously, unheard and misunderstood - it feels like being stabbed in the heart!
I was clear that something I was doing was wrong. But what?!?
Deep down I knew that life is not meant to be that difficult. Right?!?
Honestly, I was a self-development junkie riddled with self-doubt, insecurities and Fear.
Ever asked yourself: "Who the heck am I to want a better life? Do I even deserve a life that feels rich and fulfilling?"
My inner dialogue was limiting and unhelpful.
Can you relate?
No one taught us how to manage your MIND!
Like you, I was determined to figure this out and wanted to be productive and make progress without feeling depleted or burnt out - Get out of my deep-rooted busyness pattern and focus on what lights me up so my soul can sparkle and shine.
Oh, how badly I wanted to be in CONTROL of my INNER and OUTER world!!!
TWO decades of studying psychology, human behaviour and doing inner work to figure out how to identify what is meaningful and important to me, who I want to be and what kind of life I want to create for myself...
Then I studied brain science and high performance to figure out how can I create all this without burning out...
Laser focused on getting my next steps body-mind-soul aligned in a way that meets my unique needs so that I can move forward with ease, freedom, lightness, joy, enthusiasm… all that good stuff.
Isn’t that what we all want more of in life?!!
...So...
I stepped into the entrepreneurial world, to get to work on MY TERMS towards my ambitious soul-aligned dream that lights me up... Feeling that I am in the driver seat of my life!
Thinking that I finally had it all figured out!!?
........ just another flavour of my control agenda vibes....
THEN my spiritual awakening happened...
spontaneously
It was a SHOCK to the system!! (to say the least)
Turning "my world" upside down...
unexplainable pain in the body
nothing made sense anymore
ALL my perspectives, perceptions and beliefs (I thought were facts proven by science), sense of self, how I see others and the world... nothing made sense
and the "purging" process began
letting go of everything
It felt like an...
.... "Inner decluttering - purging" of all those roles, beliefs, patterns, perceptions and perspectives…
one by one
Seeing clearly
letting them go with joy, sadness, love and ease
Unfiltered
Being at peace
Stillness in motion
Feeling safe in this body
Nothing to proof
Nothing to loose
Nothing to gain
Nothing to do
Just be
💛
...
I am so grateful for all the mentors and coaches who so patiently, directly and gently guided me on this journey.
There was so much resistance for me to let go of my need to "control" my inner and outer world.
Seeing clearly now
forgiveness no longer makes sense
no regrets...
and so the story of the pathless journey continues...
....and....
How special that our path "crossed" on this journey
As I am often asked, here are my Credentials...
I bring past learnings in psychology, human behaviour, high performance, acceptance commitment therapy, Inner child work… into my work and combine them with knowledge I gathered from all my trainings and qualifications, including Certified Strategic Intervention Coach and trained in Activation™ Method, Energy Coach, Doctor of Philosophy PhD (Internal Medicine), Bachelor in Biomedical Science, Honours (Pharmacology), Associate Degree In Medical Laboratory Science, Diploma in Pre-school and Kindergarten teaching (specialised in autism and ADHD) and wisdom from Spiritual Teachers and Mentors such as Eckhart Tolle, Rupert Spira, Mooji, Adyashanti, and Angelo DiLullo.
I presented research finding at big medical conferences, published a number of peer-reviewed research papers in medical journals, some that even had impact on Australian Government Policy making level (reference list is at end of page).
Fun fact, I am also a qualified chef and that’s a fraction of what I did in my life, as I always worked in multiple fields simultaneously.
Clearly had a LOOOT of work to do on breaking my busyness patterns and getting out of workaholic mode and need to proof my worthiness (a common cPTSD coping mechanism)...
Now, loving my simple life, rich in purpose and full of joy
Here are some photos of my younger self, the daydreamer who designed and fueled my ambitious dreams :)
...ooops these are also "me" stories...
I used to be a chef and sew my own chef uniform without a pattern. I rarely follow recipes either
Age 19/20 my friend and I travelled around Australia for nearly 6 months. We bought a datsun and went for it. Back when life was social media and handy free. ultimate freedom and adventure...
With every inner transformation and a new me emerging, I rearrange all my furniture that is not bolted down. It's a must to complete the transition, no matter what else is going on
My high school was at a catholic convent boarding school. I stayed there for the first 2 years. At age 16 I moved into share accomodation with my friends - woohoo to party time
My grandma showed me how to knit socks at age 12 back in Austria. I still wear knitted socks even though I live in subtropical Queensland now. My toes get cold easily.
I quit it all after 2 decades working, studying, researching, teaching in the medical field at universities, pathology labs and hospitals. I now know longer belief in western medicine approach to restoring health.
I was reading spiritual and self-development books by age 12! Richard Bach's "Die Möwe Jonathan" was one of my first and shaped my life. To this day I keep checking in "what would Jonathan do in this situation"?
It felt heavenish to move into my first home age 26. I was still on 3rd year apprentice chef wage, but I managed to proof a bank manager that I could pay of a house morgage. I was a master at finances.
Seeing animals being butchered broke my heart. so I stopped eating meat when I was 8 years old. My mum was cool about it and made sure there was extra veg for me
I used to be petrified about public speaking. To reach my dream I had to get excellent at it. I practiced so much that my cat walked out giving em the "not again" look. I won an award for best presentation at a big medical conference with doctors and researchers.
Leaving the smallest footprint on this planet is top priority. I never use my A/C, avoid packaging, buy local fuit and veg, walk when I can, use things till they can't be fixed anymore... for a few years I even turned of the hotwater system
My clothes must be the well worn in type that feel soft and comfy. Haven't come across bras that fit those criteria yet. So I saved a lot of money going braless
I love the old theatres in Austria, musicals, ballet with live orchestra -> it moved me to tears every time. Ok, I mean I was balling out my eyes....
One of my fav activities is walking bare feet in the rain. In subtropical Queensland it's warm even when it rains
As a teenager I used to love listening to heavy metal on full volumne. ONLY on my fancy Walkman that had the advanced auto reverse function.
Playing the flute was my passion and I was pretty good at it. I fantasised about playing in a big orchestra... but I couldn't resist playing to my own beat. Apparently I tap a different rhythm with my foot than I play
I refused to wear skirts and dresses in my teens. It was jeans, runners and jumpers size XXXL. Finding clothes I would wear to my formal was a mission!!! none of my friends dressed like this, but they still accepted me and let me be me.
I was told that I can't just sell a house by myself without an agent. Well, I sold a house and then a unit by myself with the cheapest 3-line advertising in the local paper. I sold for the price wanted. Never let anyone tell you what you can or can't do! That's your choice and your responsibility!
For those of you interested in my work and contributions in medical research
Here's a list of papers, abstracts and conference presentations where we published our research findings.
Peer-reviewed publications
Windegger TM, English J, Weston H, Morwood K, Kynn M, Scuffham P, Fung YL. Longitudinal study of intravenous versus subcutaneous immunoglobulin preplacement therapy in haematological malignancy. Asia-Pacific Journal of Clinical Oncology. 2021:17(6):546-554. DOI: 10.1111/ajco.13515.
Windegger TM, Nghiem S, Nguyen KH, Fung YL, Scuffham PA. Primary immunodeficiency disease: A cost-utility analysis comparing intravenous versus subcutaneous immunoglobulin replacement therapy in Australia. Blood Transfusion. 2020:18(2):96-105. DOI: 10.2450/2019.0083-19.
Data and results from this manuscript were used by the Australian Medical Service Advisory Committee (MSAC) to provide advice to the Minister for Health on immunoglobulin use in this cohort (MSAC Application no. 1592)
Windegger TM, Nghiem S, Nguyen KH, Fung YL, Scuffham PA. Cost-utility analysis comparing hospital-based intravenous immunoglobulin with home-based subcutaneous immunoglobulin in patients with secondary immunodeficiency. Vox Sanguinis. 2019;114(3):237-46.
Data and results from this manuscript were used by the Australian Medical Service Advisory Committee (MSAC) to provide advice to the Minister for Health on immunoglobulin use in this cohort (MSAC Application no. 1565).
Windegger TM, Lambooy CA, Hollis L, Morwood K, Weston H, Fung YL. Subcutaneous immunoglobulin therapy for hypogammaglobulinemia secondary to malignancy or related drug therapy. Transfusion Medicine Reviews. 2017;31(1):45-50.
Russell FD, Windegger T, Hamilton KD, Cheetham NWH. Effect of the novel wound-healing agent, OPAL A on leukotriene B4 production in human neutrophils and 5-lipoxygenase activity. Wound Practice and Research, 2011:19;200-203.
Conference abstracts and presentations
Windegger TM, English J, Morwood K, Weston H, Kynn M, Scuffham P, Fung YL. Clinical and quality of life impacts of IVIg and SCIg therapy differ in patients with secondary immunodeficiency compared to those with primary immunodeficiency. Poster at 29th Regional Congress of ISBT in Basel, Switzerland (22-26 June 2019). Vox Sanguinis 2019;114(S:1)218.
Windegger TM, Morwood K, Weston H, English J, Fung YL. Subcutaneous immunoglobulin in patients with common variable immunodeficiency. Poster at 29th annual conference of the Australasian Society of Clinical Immunology and Allergy (ASCIA), Canberra, Australia (4-8 September 2018). Internal Medicine Journal 2018;48(S:6):19-20.
Windegger TM, English J, Weston H, Morwood K, Fung YL. Health and quality of life impacts of switching from IVIG to SCIg treatment in patients with primary immunodeficiency disease. Selected as an Oral presentation at BLOOD the combined Annual Scientific Meeting of the Haematology Society of Australia and New Zealand, Australian and New Zealand Society of Blood Transfusion and Thrombosis and Haemostasis Society of Australia and New Zealand, Brisbane, Australia (21-23 October 2018).
Awarded: Transfusion Professionals Award Clinical Transfusion Practice.
Windegger TM, Lambooy C, English J, Weston H, Morwood K, Fung YL. Comparing the number of antibiotic treated infections of primary and secondary immunodeficiency disease while on immunoglobulin replacement therapy, preliminary findings in an Australian cohort. Poster at 27th Regional Congress of ISBT in Copenhagen, Denmark (17-21 June 2017). Vox Sanguinis 2017;112(S:1):258.
Windegger TM, Scuffham P, Morwood K, Weston H, Fung YL, Nguyen KH. Preliminary: Cost effectiveness of hospital-based versus home-based immunoglobulin replacement therapy for patients with primary immunodeficiency. Selected as oral presentation at the 39th Annual Conference of the Australian Health Economics Society (AHES) in Sydney, Australia (21-22 September 2017).
Windegger TM, Fung YL, Morwood K, English J, Weston H, Scuffham P, Nguyen KH. SCIg home-based immunoglobulin replacement therapy is a cost-effective treatment for Australian primary immunodeficiency patients. Poster at the Annual Scientific Meetings of the Haematology Society of Australia and New Zealand, Australian and New Zealand Society of Blood Transfusion and the Australasian Society of Thrombosis and Haemostasis (HAA) in Sydney, Australia (29th October – 1st November 2017).
Windegger TM, Lambooy C, Morwood K, Weston H, Fung YL. Preliminary data on cost of IVIg and SCIg treatment in adult Australian patients. Selected as oral presentation at the Annual Scientific Meetings of the Haematology Society of Australia and New Zealand, Australian and New Zealand Society of Blood Transfusion and the Australasian Society of Thrombosis and Haemostasis (HAA) in Melbourne, Australia (13-16 November 2016) presented by A/Prof Lin Fung.
Windegger TM, Lambooy C, Weston H, Morwood K, Fung YL. Review of training to self-administer SCIg and the Health Related Quality of Life (HRQoL) impacts on patients changing from IVIg to SCIg treatment. Poster at the Annual Scientific Meetings of the Haematology Society of Australia and New Zealand, Australian and New Zealand Society of Blood Transfusion and the Australasian Society of Thrombosis and Haemostasis (HAA) in Melbourne, Australia (13-16 November 2016).
Windegger TM, Nguyen KH, English J, Morwood K, Weston H, Scuffham P, Fung YL. Cost effectiveness of hospital-based versus home-based immunoglobulin replacement therapy for SCHHS patients with primary immunodeficiency. Selected as an oral presentation at Sunshine Coast University Hospital (SCUH) Research Day in Birtinya, Australia (15th November 2017).
Windegger TM, Lambooy C, Morwood K, Weston H, English J, Fung YL. Preliminary data IVIG versus SCIg treatment in adult Australian patients. Selected as an oral presentation at Wide Bay Scientific Group Conference in Caloundra, Australia (2017).
Clapperton R, Windegger T, Walker PJ, Green S, Schulz K, Russell F, Askew CD. The effect of short term exercise training on the rate of calf muscle fatigue in patients with peripheral arterial disease. Exercise and Sport Science Australia Meeting 2010.
Mitchell G, Windegger T, Russell FD. Clinical observations and physiological data supporting a vascular response as a mechanism of the novel wound-healing agent, OPALA. The 2nd Meeting of the Australasian Wound and Tissue Repair Society 2010, Abstract 28, pp. 34.
