Attachment trauma

Oct 27, 2018

I've been getting quite a few messages of people, who are really hard on themselves. Judging themselves unfairly and harshly. I don't know, are you one of them too?? 😊

You know the things we did when those trauma memories started coming up and we first get our diagnosis, …  -> we went and read other people's trauma stories. One after the other after the other…

and you too may have felt like, mine wasn't quite as bad and maybe I shouldn't have PTSD, I should’ve been able just cope…

We feel weak and are beating up on ourselves… 

There are 2 important things:

  1. We should never compare our story to someone else's. It's not helpful. I know, I did it too, but it’s really not helpful to our recovery
  2. We often underestimate the power of words. Please let me explain this 😊

In the past couple of years, I spoke to hundreds if not over a thousand people by now. Many had experienced horrific repeated trauma in their lives. But most of them will tell you, that the physical pain from physical or sexual abuse, you can overcome rather quickly.

However, a statement like “I wish you were never born”, is deeply painful. That is not something you can just shake off or that stops and finishes like a flashback. That raw pain sits with you 24/7.

So “words” can be used as super powerful toxins. 

That pain inflicted by words hits you deep at a core level and is really hard to overcome.

I’d like you to be aware of this impact, so you can stop beating up on yourself. So, you can start dismissing messages from your inner demons like:

  • I should be recovering faster
  • I'm just not good enough
  • I'm not lovable
  • I'm hopeless…

Science shows that this type of trauma, where you didn't have a nurturing caring parent or caregiver in your childhood who:

  • made you feel welcome and lovable and special
  • celebrated you reaching your goals
  • provided opportunities for you to grow and learn
  • was emotionally available to you most the time

That this is far more damaging to your development than any other forms of abuse. 

They often refer to this as attachment trauma

It's difficult to overcome and really difficult to spot, because it’s scars are invisible – no bruises…

You may have grown up in a mansion, had super successful parents, parents other people were looking up to… but their words poisoned you, their absence or inability to be emotionally available to you, left you feeling empty and alone.

The impact of attachment trauma hurts at your core, it gets you deep. Makes you feel like you are fundamentally flawed. That's why it's so painful and has such a huge impact on your whole life.

This is why now in adulthood, we're really struggling to connect with other people. And I'm not even talking about an intimate relationship here - just a connection with another human being.

I wanted to point this out to you, to create awareness in the hope you don't beat up on yourself quite so much.

Please be a little bit kinder with yourself, because once we can start being kind with ourselves and give our inner child that nurturing and support that we didn't get in childhood – then healing becomes possible.

Self-care, self-compassion is essential for our healing 😊

Please give yourself permission to do so. I know, it’s one of the hardest things to do after years of abuse and neglect…

but decide now to give yourself permission, even if it's just a moment today and maybe tomorrow, it can be a little moment longer 😊

Allow yourself to feel lovable just the way you are.

Allow yourself to feel worthy of kindness just the way you are.

And treat yourself with kindness 😊

Then you’ll see that everything in your life starts to shift. Slowly you start to feel progress on your healing journey. And that’s so my wish for you too.

As always, I'm sending you lots and lots of love and rainbows to brighten up the tough times just a little.

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