So often I'm asked:
Here’s one of the strategies I used to *beat* beating up on myself 😊
I'm a very visual thinker – so awaken your imagination…
Mental pictures help me break patterns or habits
Every time I'm:
Whatever is inside this bag (e.g. clothes) gets more restricted the more air you remove.
Until there’s no room left to move!
Let me explain 😊
First let’s pay attention to what’s going on for us when those inner demons get rowdy with those unhelpful shame loaded messages…
This is what’s happening for me, is this the case for you to?
***And all this with a sprinkle of anger, self-hate and self-doubt***
Which in turn makes us feel really tight (no air left in this vacuum bag now)
Sadly, for most trauma survivors there's little to no hope about a better future accompanied by deep sense of hopelessness.
I felt like I'm the most useless person ever for most my life.
IMPORTANT: Essentially, we repeat to ourselves internally (over and over), what our abusers said to us or how they made us feel about ourselves. This is the identity our abusers created for us. That's the identity they forced onto us with threat and manipulation.
So, how do we reverse this?
We need to give ourselves some room to move again. Room to be curious and have some sparks of hope again in this bubble around us
***Instantly when I tense up, I have this visual of putting air back into this empty vacuum bag***
Which is equivalent to:
Right, how wicked difficult is this!!
I used to be my biggest enemy or critic. I used to be so harsh with myself and tear myself apart forever searching for what’s wrong with me.
By giving myself more room to breathe, allowed me to tap into my inner resourcefulness.
The inner resource treasure box was hiding for a loooong long time. Didn’t think I had one…
Believing that all these are skills I can get better at and I can make change happen is key.
Every single day we have that choice.
You can choose to keep living into the identity your abusers created for you or you can say:
You might not know what this future looks like right now. That’s ok. I didn't initially either. Everything was just so dark & hopeless. I couldn't imagine that my future would ever hold anything good for me or that people will ever find me lovable.
If that's the case for you too, then just:
***You just can't see it yet, because the trauma blinded you to it***
That's one technique I found useful. Using this visual to give myself some room to breathe and find true myself.
And ever so slowly more and more sparks of hope popped up in my bubble 😊
Yes, it took me many year & therapy session (I was super slow progress).
Please be awesomely patient with yourself. Learn from my mistakes, so it won’t take you half the time to create a sparklier and brighter future for yourself. One where you’ll feel ok about yourself.
And with kindness and self-compassion those inner demons lose their power fast – yep they’ll shrivel away.
Those thoughts never served us well or helped us be more productive or achieve goals. No, they were holding us back from reaching our true potential.
Let me know how you go with this. Just type me an email [email protected] . I'm curious to hear your techniques as well. There’s many metaphors or mantras that can be super powerful on our healing journey.
In the meantime, as always, sending you lots & lots of love and rainbows to brighten up the tough times just a little.
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