What do you do when Mother's Day is triggering and confusing

May 08, 2019

Despite the beautiful love hearts hanging in every shop, Mother’s Day is a very triggering and difficult day for some of us.

People ask you to be appreciative of and say thank you to your mother... I’m all for showing appreciation and gratitude, but this is wrong and can be hugely triggering or bring up a lot of pain and hurt for someone who's been abused and neglected by their mother.

Society likes to paint that picture that all mothers are loving, nurturing, kind… sadly that's not the case. Some mothers do abuse their children physically, emotionally, sexually. Some mothers are not emotionally available to their children.

Whether this is due to:

  • Gambling
  • Addiction
  • Illness or
  • Something really challenging happening in their life (e.g. loss of a loved one, financial crisis)

If they're not emotionally available, then that has a huge impact on a child's development (see attachment trauma).

So, I would like you to try something slightly different this Mother's Day. This could be a huge challenge for you 😊 but I believe in you! 

... let me explain...

First, I would like you to really acknowledge what you had to do for yourself in childhood. Because if you grew up in the absence of that nurturing, loving, caring mother, then you as a child had to step up and do that for yourself. Some of us had to literally take on the mother's roles or be that mother figure for the whole family.

 So, you had to find ways to soothe yourself.

You did the best you could to cope at that time. Because remember you were a child! You were not emotionally or mentally fully developed yet and yet you had to take on this big mother role for yourself.

Please, give yourself some appreciation and thanks for that 😊

So I'd love for you to go out and get that gorgeous thing whatever that is for you, for yourself!

And acknowledge that fact and all you did as a child for yourself. This might sound selfish to some people.

But I think it's really important for our healing that we do acknowledge and appreciate what we as a child did for ourselves. Children are not meant to do so, nor are they emotionally or mentally developed enough to do so (remember from the brain training webinar – our brain doesn’t finish developing till the mid to late 20s!!! you can watch it here again

Therefore, we did the best we could with what we were able to do, given the developmental stage we were in at the time. That’s really key here 😊 

By all means, you can send out love into the universe as well. In the hope that something happens in your mother's life that gets her to change, reach out for help or therapy. Some mothers really have changed later on in life. 

But please don't let society push you into being thankful & appreciative of something that you did not have or something that your mother wasn't able to be or do for you.

I’d love to hear how you went with this. Please make sure you leave a comment for me on social media or sent me an email 😊 Always happy to hear from you 

In the meantime, as always sending you lots & lots of love and rainbows to brighten up the rough times just a little

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